little sparks

Lately I am trying a little bit to be more open, to come out of myself and give people a chance, and also to give myself a chance and not be so self conscious. So far I've found it to be very rewarding in that I am less stressed out, less upset by circumstances beyond my control, less frustrated by the people around me, and happier overall. Not to mention discovering how many great people there are out there. It is all so amazing. But at the same time, I know that this is not foreign to me. I think I just shelved that interest and focused on one specific person. So I am a little rusty. I guess it is like anything else in that it merely requires practice.

I am wary of finding a new comfort zone and then retreating again into numbness. I want to maintain the scary-excitedness that comes with not knowing the future and having no safety net.

There have been a couple of moments where I really just couldn't help being freaked out. If you step outside yourself and interact with people, one result is that people will interact with you back, and in some ways I'm not quite ready for all aspects of that interaction. Maybe that will be my next fear to overcome: the deepening closeness, trusting someone wholly again. Someday, but not right now. Right now, fun and laughter and an expanding world. And little tiny almost imperceptible sparks.

~~~
there's always too much talking
and I wanna just keep walking
and I keep staring, baby
keep staring
though I may not know
the right things to say
I'll get it out to you one day

shy that way
do you like it when I'm shy
shy that way